I thought this would be a lighthearted discussion, but it turns out more people are passionate about the National Football League than they are about the United States of America. Well, here's what the hubbub was about:
It is Spring, teams are practicing...getting ready for the season. Assuming the lockout was settled over a beer at the White House, and instead of Campbell's Chunky Soup, Ray Lewis was being fed by Michelle's garden full of fresh fruit and veggies, while she and Barry looked on with a face full of Lobster and drawn butter, fried fat cakes and mayo covered french fries. But that's enough cheap shots, it's not like anyone's hiding behind Gloria Allred attacking this president for...well...anything. Let's get to the Football talk, my friends are starting to get rowdy...oops.
It's opening day, almost time for kickoff, and Barrack changes the rules for kickoff, too much excitement and danger on kicks, let's just let them start at the twenty...oh god, they actually did that? (sigh) Since Barrack is from Chicago, they start with 10 points at the beginning of every game. New England and GreenBay have the top 1% of talent at QB, so it's only fair to let Chicago start with a lead. After all, it's not Chicago's fault they can't have a better offence. It's the fault of the bad evil team owners who hog all the money these poor fans shell out every game...they are entitled to a better game, with a closer score. In that case, I'm assuming the Colts get 30 points to start, but if they are losing by halftime, Barrack will bail them out with another 30 points...in fact, we'll just take the points from their opponents. Fair is fair.
Do you see why the "boss" should not be picking winners and losers in this scenerio? NO? ok, how about this; Midseason, the team with the fewest wins can change the rules, raise their contracts to get paid more, cut the games down to 3 quarters to allow players to spend more time at home with their baby mama's. After all, what's more important than family. You aren't against family, are you? ok, good. Next, I think we should let Miami play all their games at home. It's not fair to make them travel when they are as bad as they are, the rest of the country shouldn't be forced to endure their team...actually, I agree with this one. :)
Al Davis died, and the new owner would not be in favor of all these new rules, so instead of arguing the points in public, Barrack and his friends are going to change the rules of voting for the new rules and pass the rules without reading them and do it before the new owner can be sworn in...because it's too important to wait a few days to read this stuff...we need to act. Yes We Can. The best is yet to come. I can't wait for this football season, it sounds like change we can believe in.
Now, some cities are starting to complain, they are even forming groups called "Tailgaters" who want the game returned to it's natural and beautiful historical roots of a sport. Many in the Barrack group and the sports media deride them for being racists and call them pejoratives like "Tailhumpers", but they remain undeterred because they actually believe in their grass roots efforts. After awhile, Barrack's getting some bad press for the game starting to suck, and game attendance drops, and tv channels put dog shows and magicjack infomercials on instead. So he gives subsidies for football tickets to his buddies in the unions, and even let them sit in their pickups at halftime and smoke weed and drink beer. It's ok, they bargained for it...collectively.
When the season is over, there are no winners, the season ends in controversy as some teams threaten to take their teams to other countries where they can play it fairer. Barrack calls them unpatriotic,then says that at least we aren't soccer. Then tells his buddy that the Jews have ruined everything and they're so difficult to deal with. Perhaps if he can get all his friends to organize another type of protest, without any theme or organization...just anger. If there are enough rapes, assaults and thefts, they'll all come back to him for salvation.
The sad thing about this, is there are some people who actually think the answer from this half-fucked position is to keep plowing ahead with more tweeks, changes, feelings and idiotic ideas, instead of admitting that he's a picture of complete failure at the difficult task of leadership. But since we've NEVER heard this man say he screwed ANYTHING up, due to his infallibility I'm sure, I guess we'll just wait until the 2013 season...unless we can get some of the coaches in the league to grow a pair of hairy hanging...footballs and throw this bum out of his position, with the first "lady" and that damn ugly mutt too. But since most coaches are only worried about getting another season as coach, they won't put their necks on the line. I miss Ditka, Knoll, Landry, Madden and Lambeau...those were the days when we could be proud of this sport. I wonder if we'll ever see a good game again? Well, we do know that we won't until this organizer is thrown out of his position, and probably won't if the next Commissioner is the same type of slick talking power hungry New England governor...errr...I mean ...whatever, you know what I mean.
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