We must have a surplus if...

I am amazed every time I hear people say, or even better...call me on the phone at home, asking for or demanding money to support our police.  I usually have a quip about taxes paid and the role of cops has changed from when I was a kid.  This doesn't sate the whiner.  "What about when you need the cops and they aren't there?"...my response is, "I know where to find them."  HUH?
   You see, I know where to find the cops.  They aren't at the donut shop, that's an old cliche' that doesn't apply anymore.  If I need a cop, I look for the one dressed in the Turkey costume trapping people not stopping for pedestrians in a crosswalk.  I look for the Mission Impossible teams set up at intersections looking to see if someone is driving with both hands on the wheel, seatbelt on, and no phone near his/her hand.  You see, we have such an abundance of cops and money in this town, we can afford to put cops on bicycles pedalling around the city looking for gumchewers and litterbugs.  But if your home alarm goes off, don't call the cops!  Call someone you know to go to your house and be a third party verification witness in order to call the cops and verify that investigating is still needed.  You see, the cops don't investigate alarms, it's almost beneath them to fight crime, that is left for some do-gooder with a spandex fetish and a utility belt.
   Really, Rev, that is what you are ranting about today?  Well, yes.  I'm being asked to fork over more money to support babysitting efforts?  I am saying no.  I don't need a babysitter.  "But some people do."...fine, let them pay for it.  Let's have a seperate license plates (with a special tax on it)  for people who want to be babysat by Metro.  If those people are talking on the phone, ticket them.  If my license plate isn't the one with the icon (maybe a blue wheelchair?  or an old person with an oxygen tank and cigarette?) then the babysitting law doesn't apply.  Then, when a crumbly (that's what old people are called) wants to renew their license, they either pass a strict test, or they get a "special" plate that requires more money and a badged babysitter looking out for them.  What could be simpler?
How about making idiots responsible?  Too tough a concept?  naw, what we do is make anyone in violation of stupidity to join a club (meaning we tattoo "moron" on them) and all these inane laws designed to save us from ourselves apply to them.  It could work.  We could even sterilize them to make sure they don't have tard-kids that we eventually have to make laws to protect from themselves?  Or...we could let Darwin do his thing, and if stupid hurts...let it hurt.  I'm fairly confident that pain is the best detractor of stupid activity, and in sheilding its effects, we extend the learning curve to allow more stupid to be spread around us...causing us to think that outlawing otherwise harmless behavior is our only measure to stave off the stupidity gene.  It isn't...and we can't afford it...so stop calling me unless you hear my alarm, and I need to verify before Metro will investigate.

-REV